From the mouth of babes... I mean grandmas

Well not most grandmas.... just mine...

Please be aware that what I am posting is very crude and verbatum from my g-ma.... she is a total crack up but says things that I would NEVER in a million years. Please stop reading (if anyone out there is :-) ) if you are easily offended...

As my g-ma laid on the table for her pre-op triple bypass she was telling us about how her normal cardiac doctor came by and was telling her surgeon on how he wants her back when he is through... so I leaned in and said sloppy seconds... huh?

and her reply... no worries, I will clean up and take a douche....

Now it's a couple of days after surgery (thank you doctors!!!!) and she is telling me that they keep coming in and checking her out (lifting her gown, checking the inscissons near her groin...) so I said well tell them to treat you like an envelope (with the intention of following up that statement by saying and start stashing cash in there) and her reply was and have them lick it?

my my my

Elated but yet bitter.....

So my dear, dear grandmother just had a heart attack and has been in the hospital for 2 days now... So my aunt calls me to book her a flight - YAY - love my aunt!!!! As I am leaving work to go visit my grandma, she calls me and asks if I can get my cousin on the same flight... sure! I do like my cousin! She's very funny!

Enter bitter: we live 1200 miles from them and we visit there often... my aunt and cousin live about an hour from each other and my cousin rarely makes it down when we visit... we always go to her if we want to see her.... So now, that my grandma could potentially be dying, she decides to come... and I can't help but think, it's to secure her spot in my grandma's mind with being there to get the material things that she wants....

Enter the struggle with thinking good thoughts: No, my cousin truly loves my grandma and just wants to make sure she sees her.... I am going to try and go with that....

Enter bitter again: My brother.... whom I haven't spoken to in 2 months because he is a total self centered ass who thinks it is ok to treat his family like crap yet raise transient lowlifes up on pedestals, pulls me aside last night and suggests that him and I get along for our grandmother's sake.

Enter the struggle: instead of me telling him, so you are not going to be a raving maniac and actually take some responsibility and not be an ass???? I just shrugged my shoulders and walked away.

Now I am at work, when I should be at the hospital.... hmmmmpf!

80's hair metal

is what I have been listening to for the last 2 days straight...

http://www.jango.com/

and it's brought back many good memories of my childhood. Like at Christmas when my mom would always get me 2 tickets to some concert that would be coming around...one for me and one for a friend... and all the cute little rocker boys at my school... and then just all the boys in general.... mmmmmm good times.....


which brings me to my little one.... who is going retro for Halloween and is dressing like she is from the 80's.... an era of long before she was born.... wow

where did the time go? which then brings me to the things that we talk about and the things that she tells me... all things that I would never in a million years tell my mom.... or would have even had the courage to tell my girlfriends at the time.... gotta love her!

Booooo Humbug

I am tired....

of trying to figure out what to be

and what everyone else needs to be

and how they need to be whatever it is

and what the plans are

and how it is to be executed

and it bums me out because I love the holidays!!!! I am at the point where I don't even want to dress up and go to the annual party tomorrow night.... maybe it is because I am always the designated driver and no one ever says, Honey, tonight it is your night....go crazy, I will take care of you....

Blech!!!! I would rather stay home... I don't relate to those people anyway....

Yesterday was the first day...

that I haven't cried since I had to put my faithful pup to sleep.

15.5 years old... it was so sad.... ok.... so today is a cry day....

12:34 and 5:27

Those are the times that I always see when I look at a clock....

but for the last week, it's been 11:11 - day and night...

do you think that is supposed to mean something???

Cell Phone Fiasco

Nothing is ever simple.... one of my children lost her cell phone last week.... no big deal (first time any of us had done that in 4 years)

So I watched the online billing to see if anyone was using it... no one. We had searched for it high and low in the 4 blocks that we knew she had lost it... couldn't find it... Called it several times, sent it text messages, etc... nothing. So being payday, I go to call in an insurance claim on it but then I thought, let me check the billing one more time...

AHA!!! Someone had found it and had made several calls on it.... so I look to see who was called the most and I dialed their number. I explained the situation to the gentelman on the other end and he started yelling at me! "...I am 75 years old and I can not believe that you are accussing me of stealing your phone!!!!" So I said, no sir, someone who has Found our phone has used it to call you, would you happen to know who it could be? Needless to say, I ended that conversation very quickly.

Next #: Let me let you talk to my wife... Hi Becky, (insert explanation here)... Becky then says, oh I have no idea who it could be.... I am the only one in this neighborhood who has a phone so there are about 6 families who always use mine. Ok so moving on.....

Next #: (Insert Story here) And as I can tell, the last time they called you was Sunday around 8:00 pm.... do you have any idea who it could have been? his reply "no, I didn't recognize the number so I didn't answer it... in fact, you are lucky I answered your call...." ummmm ok, well sir, the call was 4 minutes long.... "well maybe they left me a voice mail. Can I check it and call you back?" suuuuuuure

30 minutes later I receive a call from Joseph.... "yah, I found your phone by the bus terminal downtown... but I don't know how to use it so I couldn't find you...." (30 phone calls later....uh huh and with contacts in there like Mom, Dad, Home.... uh huh) Anyway, we arrange to meet at 3:00 in front of his apartment complex.... So I took a friend with me because something didn't seem right....

3:00 in front of the apartment complex... no Joseph. I spoke with a few ladies outside do you know Joseph? "is he hispanic?" ummmm I have no idea.

3:07 inside the apartment complex where Charles was just getting a flu shot informed me that Joe was just up at his apartment 5 minutes ago.... but he "don't know which apt. is his"...

3:08 a lady in the hall with her dog on a hot pink leash asks who I am looking for. She knows he is Sophia's nephew and that he lives on the first floor but Sophia lives on the 3rd floor....

3:09 the russian? maitenance man gets involved and starts talking about the Joe that lived on the 2nd floor... however she informed us all that he died.

3:12 all of the above are looking at the marquee trying to guess which place Joe lives in....

3:15 we all surmise that he is hispanic and was wearing a white t-shirt.

3:17 decide to leave... when another woman that had came in while we were leaving came back outside to ask us what exactly was going on. (insert explanation here) Then she starts going off on how stupid everyone in the building is and brings me back to the lobby and dials Joe's apartment... "Joe - you have people out here that you are supposed to give a cell phone to.. (Joe says "what? I can't hear you")....JOE, get out here, they are waiting on you!!!!!"

3:18 thank you ma'am!

3:21 still no Joe

3:22 the lady with the dog says go on down to his apartment.... I don't move because it's down a really creepy hall...... but she insists and drags me down there with her and her dog. Knock, knock, knock..... she's gone.... thank goodness my friend was there.

3:24 My friend give an authoritative knock....

3:25 Joe opens the door.... ohhhhhhh yeah.... he says hold on and disappears... but comes back with the phone!!!!! WAHOOOOOO

3:26 Thanks! Here's a $20......

Friends and Favors Don't Mix

So, I have a friend who does hair.... and she kept telling me that she needs to do mine... so I let her and it all turned out ok. So my child goes to her and all has been ok... so my sister decides to go to her. Now keep in mind, she always shows me what the salon would charge but has always said, just do what you can, because we are good friends... so I have always paid her salon charges plus a very little bit more.... so my sister goes to her and I told her to give her a $20 and I would pay her the rest.... well my sister didn't communicate what she wanted very well so she ended up having to go back and have her re-do it a few days later.... so I take my friend an additional $80 this morning (for what I could have done to my sister out of a box....for $8.95) and I get an email that says....

I guess things are tough for you, too. Won't be at the show saturday and not working the rest of the week. No transportation.

Now I know she is having a hard time because her car got impounded but that is not my fault and I did more that what I thought was a fair price.... anyway, enough said and it's time to call my old hair dresser....

The Panic of a Teenager

so starts my day..... a text from my child who is supposed to be in class....

"hey mom can u bring me a backpack (insert our dog's name here) peeed on mine"

next text

"and bring it now plx"

next text

"but wait here so i can give u this one"

next text

"Plz mom"

next text

"Thank u so much"


So dutiful mom shows up at school, has her called down to the office and it was all worth it to see her embarrased little red face, giggling all the while, with a hug, a kiss on the cheek and a comment from her that said... "thank you mom, I love you and have a great day"

Conflicted

Well I am torn between this world and the next!

I am torn between the life I live now and the one I want to live!

I am torn between being chunky and happy with the junk food and the effort of eating right and being thin!

Where do I start?

I feel like I have a connection with the spiritual world as in spirit guides but I do not know how to tap into that. I feel like that is something that I need to look into but I am still totally tied to this world. I love the earthly things like music, dancing, good friends (which I am seriously missing and lacking), traveling, fast cars, etc.... those of which I am not sure I could enjoy if I took the path of healing and divine guidance. Maybe I need to address the second point....

The life I live now... is an ok one. It's not the greatest because it is met with me having to be held accountable to another. I have been told it is a good thing for me because it keeps me grounded. Maybe they are right, who knows where I would be if I weren't. Granted my child keeps me busy but I truly feel that I would be ok. I think there would be a small period of time where I went totally crazy like a locked up teenager on their first week at college... but eventually I would find my way back. It's not that I do bad things or do things that I shouldn't but I have set a presedence that has crippled my ability to go places and do things without a fight. If I had maintained my identity and my girl outings then it would have been expected but I throw all that away and try so hard to gain trust and committment (that I never seem to get) only from the ones that I choose that have those issues.... that I become screwed in the end. I see it and I understand it but now I am in the position of hurting feelings. Something that I try to avoid. For instance, just meeting a friend to go see a show....without the significant other, would hurt his feelings that I would want to go without him... but what he doesn't understand is that it's not going without him but it is going for me to spend time with my girlfriend... And the part that should justify it all for me is this.... if I were going to meet my friend and we were going to do something that he didn't like to do, then it would be fine. But if it is something that he would want to do, then I am a horrible person for not wanting him there or for doing something without him that he would want to do. We also came to the conclusion last week that we are in a marriage but yet we do not rely on each other for anything. That is kinda sad.

On the other hand, he is a nice guy. We do have a lot of good time together. He has shown me a lot about myself. And it's not a bad thing.

OK - last point....wait, I need to grab some chocolate for all the catholic guilt I feel over the last part.... and that right there is all I need to say about my last point....

Would it be wrong?

If your last name was Powers and you had a son and named him ..... Austin?

Who am I???

I heard bits and pieces of a story on the radio this morning about a man that got lost or left behind (probably depends on who's side of the story it is) in a small town and remained there for 21 years before searching to find out where his family was.... so I got to thinking, how cool would that be....

Sell your house, pay off all your bills and then travel until you come across a place that you would like to stay indefinitely.... fake an accident or amnesia and then just live there happily ever after not worrying about who you need to be or disappointment because of what you had done or hadn't done in life... Maybe Alaska would be good... is it still 12 men to 1 woman??? Not that I would want another man....because that would be one of the reasons I would disappear in the first place. I think that would be good for my mom to do... but I would need to know where she was so I could visit the town like a tourist and just 'make friends' with her.... but I would miss her terribly.

Technology isn't up to speed yet

So, where would we be without technology? Well where could we be??? I know a lot more productive!!! Well that depends on productive in what.... like I started this blog yesterday and on my way home, I had a million and one topics to type... if I had technology in the way I needed it to process my brainwaves into blogs, I would have filled 100 pages... but alas here is just a little ditty about what I haven't accomplished....

Out of all that thinking yesterday, I can only remember one brillian title.... I hate it when life gets in the way...

Intro

Hello!

My name is JB (not really but does it matter?) and I by no means am a brilliant writer like my friend who has inspired me to start my own blog. I do not intend to have anyone log in daily and read mine as I do hers. I just saw this as a good outlet to express my feelings and views on daily occurences in my life to just help myself deal with what has turned out to be my mundane existence.

I do have several funny (well at least to me) stories and I will share them with me as the come along. I am mostly an upbeat person but feel like this may be an opportunity to share my angst so I will in turn decide not to take it out on my family... you know, the ones who are supposed to love and treat me like I do them.... ha ha ha - ok that was funny.... see, like I said, at least to me...

I am now 36 and having to check mark the next box on all surveys and am not sure how I feel about that.... I love to dance but not pop dancing because that makes me feel uncoordinated and stupid. I like sports but am somewhat out of shape so I don't play them.... I lack motivation to get skinny again.... but I am married so why try and be a boy magnet any longer? I used to have hot guys but now have settled for love... ( I crack myself up) definitely not money...

And I have too many ideas all jamming in my fingers trying to be the ones put on paper...well screen... so I am going to stop for now and then just start posting little subjects here and there....