From the mouth of babes... I mean grandmas

Well not most grandmas.... just mine...

Please be aware that what I am posting is very crude and verbatum from my g-ma.... she is a total crack up but says things that I would NEVER in a million years. Please stop reading (if anyone out there is :-) ) if you are easily offended...

As my g-ma laid on the table for her pre-op triple bypass she was telling us about how her normal cardiac doctor came by and was telling her surgeon on how he wants her back when he is through... so I leaned in and said sloppy seconds... huh?

and her reply... no worries, I will clean up and take a douche....

Now it's a couple of days after surgery (thank you doctors!!!!) and she is telling me that they keep coming in and checking her out (lifting her gown, checking the inscissons near her groin...) so I said well tell them to treat you like an envelope (with the intention of following up that statement by saying and start stashing cash in there) and her reply was and have them lick it?

my my my

Elated but yet bitter.....

So my dear, dear grandmother just had a heart attack and has been in the hospital for 2 days now... So my aunt calls me to book her a flight - YAY - love my aunt!!!! As I am leaving work to go visit my grandma, she calls me and asks if I can get my cousin on the same flight... sure! I do like my cousin! She's very funny!

Enter bitter: we live 1200 miles from them and we visit there often... my aunt and cousin live about an hour from each other and my cousin rarely makes it down when we visit... we always go to her if we want to see her.... So now, that my grandma could potentially be dying, she decides to come... and I can't help but think, it's to secure her spot in my grandma's mind with being there to get the material things that she wants....

Enter the struggle with thinking good thoughts: No, my cousin truly loves my grandma and just wants to make sure she sees her.... I am going to try and go with that....

Enter bitter again: My brother.... whom I haven't spoken to in 2 months because he is a total self centered ass who thinks it is ok to treat his family like crap yet raise transient lowlifes up on pedestals, pulls me aside last night and suggests that him and I get along for our grandmother's sake.

Enter the struggle: instead of me telling him, so you are not going to be a raving maniac and actually take some responsibility and not be an ass???? I just shrugged my shoulders and walked away.

Now I am at work, when I should be at the hospital.... hmmmmpf!